Longing...

My Little Star is sick this weekend and as she sat in my lap this afternoon, she fell asleep. Many nieces have fallen asleep either in my arms or in my lap, so this is nothing new to me. I asked Mom why this happens, that so many children fall asleep on me (am I so boring that they can't stay awake any longer!?) and she told me it is because I am comfortable (squishy in all the right places!?) and calm. She said I am that Mother-type that so few people find in their lives. She went to the Echo Hills Ward today and the lady that gave a talk spoke of the "Dance of Life" and how everyone's dance is different. For women such as me, I dance alone, watching from the wall at all the couples - some young and fast, while others are old and slow.

This evening, Little Star was crying in her room at bedtime. I picked her up, sat in the rocking chair, and sat with her in my lap, whispering quietly that she should be calm and quiet, stroking her little head, when a great rush of longing for my own children swept over me and I could not keep the tears from falling. I have been waiting all of my life to be a wife and a mother, and still cannot have that opportunity, though not from my own doing. I remember being a child and wanting to be a Mom. Some prayers must go unanswered for longer than we wish.