What is PMDD??

It’s been a little while since my last blog post, and I’ve been going through some really tough stuff of late. I had to go see a “lady” doctor on the 1st to discuss a very sensitive-to-me topic with him: I have PreMenstrual Dysphoric Disorder (PMDD) and cannot take it anymore. I have symptoms that begin 7-10 days before my cycle starts and I’m running like clockwork: every 29 or 30 days. These symptoms are much more severe than your average PMS symptoms. I never realized just how bad the symptoms were getting until last year during the late summer months, Larry looked at me after I had yelled at our cats for something stupid, and said, “What’s wrong with you??” I realized in that moment that something was truly wrong and I needed to figure out what it was. Lots of research led me to learning about PMDD and light bulbs went on. By early October, I had the diagnosis.

PMDD is what I “lovingly” call PMS on Crack because it is life-altering for those days leading up to and into the first few days of my cycle. It is a monthly hell. I am one of 3-8% of all women who suffer from this disorder. Many women have difficulty in their relationships, trouble at work, and don’t enjoy doing things they normally would. Some women find that anti-depressants help, such as Zoloft, while others are put on hormones to try helping the body cope with the fluctuations. I’ve been on Zoloft before and it wasn’t something that helped much with my situation.

For me, there are a lot of pains that come with PMDD, some of which double me over. This makes it difficult to go into work, because taking something like Ibuprofen or Midol make the bleeding heavier than normal. The bleeding itself is already super heavy. When the doctor asked me how heavy is “heavy” for me, I told him that there are some months that I will go through an entire box of 36 Super Absorbent tampons in the first four days! That’s no quality of life. Backaches and breast tenderness are also a monthly occurrence, so much so that walking is affected and putting on a bra is like torture.

But the worst part of PMDD for me is the personality changes. I feel like a monster for almost 2 weeks of every month! I try super hard to not take it out on my preschoolers, my aides, other co-workers, and especially my husband, but some months are much worse than others. It is literally debilitating. And these are only a few of my symptoms.

My doctor asked lots of questions, and one of them was if I’d ever been abused. “Yes. As a child.” Then he asked what kind of abuse. “Sexual.” He was genuinely sorry and was ready to tell me what he thought of those types of people… We agreed not to go there. He did a bunch of different examinations and tests to rule out any other problems, but has agreed that the best option for me is a full hysterectomy with oophorectomy, basically to take everything out because that’s what’s causing all these problems. I’ve known for a while now that this procedure is medically necessary for my life, but it has taken me several months to be able to gather the courage to go in and discuss it with a doctor. It’s finally sinking in that this will be a good thing.

I go back this coming week to find out the results of all the tests and hopefully they will have heard back from the insurance company to approve the procedure. The doctor told me that if he has to, as he has done before, he will personally call the insurance company and say, “Pretend this is you going through all these symptoms” and they always approve after that. My surgery is scheduled for December 19th so long as it is approved by my health insurance. The doctor feels it is a very cut and dry case because there are so many different disorders that the procedure will take care of.

I belong to a support group on Facebook and every woman in the group that has had the procedure has been grateful for it. Some women are on replacement hormones for estrogen, while some are not. I will try without for a while to see if I need to add some back. I’m looking forward to the procedure so I won’t have all of these life-changing difficulties any longer, but I’m also terrified.

So, that my life according to me.